i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
