Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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