There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
