There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
