PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
