She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
