nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
