i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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