pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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