I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
