More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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