I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize