Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize