he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
