Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The beer is more important than you right now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
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I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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