what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.