I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.