textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
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All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
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I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.