believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.