I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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