My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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