Kareoke will never be a sober sport
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
