no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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