Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
