you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
