Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
