Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
