My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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