...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
