I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
