I wish life had little blips of pornography
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize