Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think my vagina is haunted
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
