your parents love me but you hate me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
