A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
