Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
