I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
