you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the liver wants what the liver wants
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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