I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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