Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
