You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
