It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
