Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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