oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
