The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses