I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
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i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him