I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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