Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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