Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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