i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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