You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
