So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
