3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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