Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
