You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i love accidental penises.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
