is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.