im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe