i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.