I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?