No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
