It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
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The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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