oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
