My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's a naked man in my car right now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize