The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
