Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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