hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
