I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Success! We fucked roommates!
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