When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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