Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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