Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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