So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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