When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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